I have a thing for music that speaks to my soul… Way back in 1994, Mary J Blige belted out in a hard biting, sultry voice:

“How can I love somebody else, when I can’t love myself enough to know when it’s time to let go?”

I froze immediately and thought…DAMN! She just spoke my life in that one line.

The song was aptly titled, “Be Happy” and for the rest of the song, she bellowed in a way that was almost haunting about…being happy.

In 1994, I knew those words spoke to my soul but I had no clue what to do about it. I was young, didn’t know myself and lacked direction. I spent what seems like a lifetime trying to be happy by loving people who were not meant for my love.

There are countless stories that I can tell about not loving myself enough to know when it was time to let go!

Like me, I hear so many people complain that all they attract are users, losers, abusers and just plain jokers looking to run game!

I used to feel the same way until I realized that it’s not that I attract more losers, it’s that I choose to stay with them.

I saw the red flags. I saw them be inconsistent, inconsiderate and unavailable. Sometimes they plainly told me they didn’t want what I wanted but I was still silly enough to sit around giving away something so precious to someone who didn’t even want it. I thought that if I could show them how awesome I was, I could win them over!

 Sound familiar to anyone?

What I would now go back and tell  my 1994 self is that your happiness will not be found in anyone else. In fact, when you discover what makes you happy, you’re going to be very selective about who you bring into your world.

I would ask her to spend a lot of time figuring out what loving her looks like so she’ll know it when she sees it.

No one could tell her then how she needed to be loved just like no one can tell me now how to define a love that compliments and honors me. It is truly a journey of self-discovery.

WILDFLOWERS, I challenge you to figure out what makes you happy?

1. What do you do for fun?
2. What are you passionate about?
3. What have you silenced in the recesses of your mind that it still gnawing at you?

When you figure this out and start doing the things that make you happy, you will have a whole and complete life to invite someone in to share with you. The alternative is going through life hoping that a magical being will show up knowing your past history, all the desires of your heart AND have skills, patience and stamina that it takes to manage their life and yours too.

Doesn’t sounds good when said like that huh? 

For the month of September Wildflowers as we seek to cultivate our season of bloom, Figure out how to love yourself better and then work on loving someone else.

Maybe then, we can BE HAPPY!